Dialogue: Sometimes nothing more than synchronized monologue

I've been noticing lately (as I've also noticed in the past) that I'm pretty horrible at conversation.  I'm not so good at thinking of things to say and not so good at listening, which surprisingly actually has to do with not being able to think of good things to say.¹

People (myself included) like a couple of things: (a) to hear their own voice (i.e. to talk), (b) to center conversation around themselves, and (c) to combine them and hear their own voice talking about themselves.

So this creates something that I like to call the synchronized monologue scenario.  One person starts a conversation, the other person responds, and although the words all sound vaguely like they could go together, it's really just each person talking about him or herself.  Sometimes it starts out sounding like the participants care about the other person, but at some point, you could pretty much just split the conversation into two separate monologues.  Let me give you a random made-up example, using our friends Frank and Harriet. ²

Frank:  Hey Harriet, how are you?
Harriet: Oh, hi, Frank!  I'm doing pretty well, but a little tired.
Frank:  Yeah, I hear ya, I hardly got any sleep last night.
Harriet:  I don't think I've gotten enough sleep all week!  It really does something to a person.
Frank:  I haven't been eating real well either.  But last week I started running again.  It's been great.
Harriet:  Oh, I started running last week, too!  I'm up to 4 miles a day already.
Frank:  I think I'm going to start mixing in some biking, just to mix it up a little.
Harriet:  It's all very hard to fit in with my crazy schedule, though!

As you can see, you could read either the blue or the green³ by itself and almost not realize that there was anyone else involved.  The conversation carries on, but everyone's just talking about themselves.  Sometimes this takes the form of the one-up.  "Oh, you're running 4 miles a day?  Ha, I'm running 5!"  Or maybe the self-bragging is a little bit more subtle.  "Yeah, running 4 miles is so tiring!  But just wait until you get up to 5 a day!"

I've been doing a Bible study recently on the book of John and been noticing more than usual the way Jesus talks to people.  Sure, he does brag a little bit (in an "I'm God, I'm supposed to brag" sort of way), but he also really talks to the people.  When he sits down at a random well and a woman walks up, he doesn't just say "Hey, I'm Jesus and I'm cool," he offers her living water and talks to her about her life and really knows her.  When he talks to Nicodemus, he doesn't just tell him he's asking dumb questions; he actually listens to the dumb questions and answers them.

Anyway, I have no conclusion.  I haven't magically become a great listener or a wonderful conversationalist by reading about Jesus.  I don't think I could pull off some of his stuff anyway, like knowing all about the well woman's past before she even told him.  Just something I've been thinking about lately, and now you can think about it, too (and laugh next time you hear or are part of a synchronized monologue conversation). :)

¹  This may seem strange, but I think this is part of what separates listening from just plain hearing.  I can hear someone tell me all about their day, but unless I'm engaged enough to be able to ask questions, make comments, etc, I'm not really listening.


²  The author of this blog does not actually have friends named Frank or Harriet.


³  Conversation was color-coded for your convenience.